I remember one morning after dropping my son to school I went to the bank to get an up to date bank statement, I sat down all morning and afternoon trying to put a budget for the £6,000:00 to last me for whole year while I go back to college and retrain, I remember budgeting £18 a week to live on, those were very, very difficult times for myself and my children. I felt so isolated, I could not afford to go out with my friends so I felt left out. The little money that I may have from time to time I will treat my son. I will plan a really good day out for the both of us to enjoy and have great fun. I must say I did have the right support with my family, my sisters and my bother will help me out during the school holidays or having him for the weekend giving me a little bit of time to myself to stay in bed late and not having to worry too much of having to entertain him.
There was a week I had no food in the house I was so worried that week how was I going to feed my son just I as sat there crying my phone went it was from cousin, she worked as cater for a school, she said to me I will be at home about five clock come and picked up some food. I picked my son up from school give him some dried toast then I drove up to cousin to pick up the food, the cooked food and other food stuff she gave us last us for a month, I explain to her what I was going through, every month she will make sure that our have food in the house.
This one broke my heart, I have never ever asked my baby father for nothing no matter how difficult things was with me, one day thing was very bad with me I did not have any money to buy milk for breakfast for our son, I did not have any to ask or to help and i did not like borrowing money from friends and it was not something that I had ever had to do and I do not encouraged myself to do so because that could mess up a great friendships.
So that day I decided to phone my baby father for some money to buy some milk for breakfast for our son, at the beginning of the conversion he was okay until I asked him for money, all I wanted was just £5, all of a sudden he became very fun with me and I started to cry, I was at a friend’s house when I made the call. My friend heard me cry she came round took the phone off me and put it down and she said I will give you the £5 don’t you ever call him again because you deserve better, that was the last time I ever spoke to him for over nine years he just despaired, until one day I bumped into him at a shop, I just looked at him, he looked rough he was not the good looking man I once knew, he kept on saying to me you look good, you look so good. Deep inside me I kept saying to myself sorry I can’t say the same for you. I finished college, I found myself a great job working as a mentor for disadvantaged kids and family, how cool is that? Now, I am now back running my own business. I am so happy with my life. I am not quite there yet but I am not where I was before. ><#mm’
There’s guilt about the financial things you can’t provide, guilt about the time you spend away from them, guilt about the things you just can’t do because of your situation. Regardless of how your children became the kids of a single parent, you worry daily about the effect that it’s having on them and feel responsible.
I knew for me to bring changes in my life financial I will have to change my mind-set this are the steps that I put in place to help me to budget my money better:
There always little less money in the bank sometimes there is none to meet the needs of the kids.
- I had to learn how to budget and control my money that come in the house.
- I made tough decisions and organized how I handle my money to lessen the stress of every month.
- I make sure when do shopping for the month I will do a shopping listen and doing shopping when my son is at school so that helped me to avoid buying things that I did not budget for.
- I tried very hard that I stick to my moth budget it does not work all the time because of unexpected bills.
- I had a financial plan at the being of every year to help me to manager my finance.
- I will save every month for school uniform, little holidays and Christmas
- I will put away little money every month for rain days.
Putting this system in place when I started to worked it help me a great deal to stay on top of my finance.
As a single mom must time I felt trapped and underneath a lot of mountain of responsibility and the feeling some time I can about to cope the everyday routine that laid ahead of me. Sometimes this left very little time to go out on dates and good invest quilted time with my friend sometimes it left me isolated and lonely with the deepest feeling asking myself the same quest time and time again, when am going to come to the end of the road full of loneness and meet my Mr Right. The feelings of loneliness, fear sometime set a barrage negative thoughts that I cannot control and sometimes my self-esteem will hit rock bottom especially there is a month when all the bills are not being paid. There are times I long for a close loving and intimacy relationship but it seem so far away because I am always putting my son first and his needs. I remember one my son going to school on his only, I followed the bus all the way to school, as I followed the bus in my car, I get asking myself what are you doing why are you following the bus, I am so used to him being in the car and me walking him to the school gate, I pulled my car into a car park and sat in my car and cried my eyes out feeling a bit reduancy, that my school running days are coming to an end deep inside me I felt lonely, I went to school feeling guilt. After work as I was going home, I begain to think I have to start getting a life for myself I started to put steps to prepare myself when my son leaves home.
I started to go out more with my friend and building a social network of friendships to encourage and support one other.
I look for environments and places to go out and social with other mothers that I are going through what I am going through.
I looked for play schemes after school actives for my son to attend.
Once a month, I will go out for dinner with a friend or a weekend with some friends. These little steps have helped me to build my confidence and reducing isolation.
Decision Making .
There are no set rule on how to bring up children, there are instructions and directions for almost everything why there was none for children when they are born. Because parenting is so hard not only that there are lots of gray areas and the games of bring up children changes daily from the time you wake up until when they go to bed or as they grow up. As a single parent, we do not have another adult to talk things out with them, and to share the burden of making tough decisions. As single parents, we bear the weight of all of those tough decisions. When our children get mature enough for a new privilege or responsibility there are new rules. For a single parent that emotional burden can wear us down very quickly. As my son was hitting teenage I had to start:
Looking out other parents that I can bounce some thoughts off
I made sure I chosen a very good friends or other parents that I can shares any fundamental values or to receive advice that matches up what is happen around me. The toughest time for sometime is when I have to make the final parenting decision, weather to ground for months or saying no to them.
We all make mistakes, and the guilt we feel is only helpful inasmuch as it helps us to correct problems and become better people. If I currently find myself in a situation that has result of the mistakes that I have made over the years I have learned not to be too hard on myself, I now also have the understanding that I cannot fix the past, but I can do my best to make the next day is better day for myself and my children so the following day I will focus my energy to a bright and a positive day.
I also work had on building a great and strong relationships with my children so if I was to meet Mr Right I do not have to worried too much about my children and they will also know that I love them very much and this knew man in my life will never take the love that I have for them